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Colin Devroe

Reverse Engineer. Blogger.

The misguided Facebook guide for the new, umm, Facebooker

April 28, 2010

So, you’re new to Facebook. Welcome! You’ve just joined a website with over 400,000,000 members and climbing. Needle, meet haystack. Before you update your status, “install” an application, or like that photo of that person you haven’t seen since High School – here are a few rules from Colin & Eliza Devroe – the Facebook experts that brought you The misguided Twitter guide for the new tweeter.

  • Play 6 hours of Farmville, Mafia Wars or Treasure Isle every day. At work.
  • There is no dislike button, so, just add “*dislike*” in the comments. Maybe Facebook will add one if you keep doing it.
  • Become a fan of (oops, I mean “Like”) all of your idiosyncrasies (e.g. “Hating when corn on the cobb gets stuck in your teeth.”)
  • Send at least one heart a day to every one of your friends. And be sure to say “thanks” for the hearts you receive.
  • POKE EVERYONE. Twice. It tickles.
  • When you install an application suggest it to all of your friends before you even use it.
  • Answer questions about your friends in an application that they have to install to see the answers.
  • You need to know what character you are from your favorite movie and so does everyone else.
  • Busy people love getting Pieces of Flair. Send them a lot of flair.
  • Tag photos with your friend’s names even if they aren’t in the photo.
  • If someone ignores your friend request just send it again. And again. And again.
  • LIKE EVERYTHING.
  • Comment on your friend’s friend’s posts (you know, the people you don’t really know) and be judgmental.
  • REPOST THIS TO YOUR STATUS: Even if you aren’t a mom.

Sticking close to this guide will make you stand out among the absolutely enormous Facebook population.