This is just awesome. In classic McSweeney form, David Mcardle reports for the Republic Science Academy about the general culture and habits of the Ewoks on the third-moon of Endor. A must read for any Star Wars fan but I’ll quote a short piece here from the section titled Breeding Practices and Mate Selection:
“A grundi rundi traditionally begins at sunset, with ranking males imbibing a highly alcoholic, hallucinogen-laced mead called hibi hibi. Afterward, they fornicate with as many eligible females as possible. Fatalities during and after the grundi rundi are not uncommon, as the animated posturing and intimidation displays often escalate into full-scale physical exchanges.”
Again, a must read.