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Colin Devroe

Reverse Engineer. Blogger.

The misguided Twitter guide for the new tweeter

April 28, 2010

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So, you’re new to Twitter. Welcome! You’re about to tweet your first tweet – but there are some things you need to know first. Some rules to live by if you will. @cdevroe and @elizard, Twitter experts with over 20,000 tweets between them, have created the following rules which are inarguably true and beyond contestation.

Not a tweeter? Maybe you use Facebook? Check out The misguided Facebook guide for the new, umm, Facebooker.

  • You don’t have to sound smart and witty to use Twitter. You just have to think you sound smart and witty.
  • Using Twitter as an instant message service is exactly what it was created for. Go nuts.
  • Any statement that has a #hashtag as a punchline is absolutely hilarious. (e.g. “I’m stuffed! #atetoomuch”) LOL! See? Hilarious.
  • People that have 4 million followers actually have 4 million people that are hanging on their every word.
  • Replying to another person’s tweet without ‘@username’-ing them will not cause any confusion so don’t waste your time typing it in.
  • Following someone and then immediately unfollowing them just so that they follow you is standard procedure.
  • Syndicating your tweets to every single social network does not create an annoying Internet echo. It shows you “get” social media.
  • You shouldn’t only have 1 Twitter account. You need one for your pet, one for imaginary people you make up and one for fart jokes.
  • Retweeting every single thing @garyvee says is mandatory.
  • Justin Bieber is not a never-ending trending topic. Justin Bieber is Twitter. Twitter is Justin Bieber.
  • Tweet 140 times a day. Minimum.
  • What you tweet will never have any affect on your daily life, friends or family. Express yourself.

We hope this guide gets you started on your journey into tweeting like the professionals and quickly becoming someone everyone despises.