So, you’re new to Facebook. Welcome! You’ve just joined a website with over 400,000,000 members and climbing. Needle, meet haystack. Before you update your status, “install” an application, or like that photo of that person you haven’t seen since High School – here are a few rules from Colin & Eliza Devroe – the Facebook experts that brought you The misguided Twitter guide for the new tweeter.

• Play 6 hours of Farmville, Mafia Wars or Treasure Isle every day. At work.
• There is no dislike button, so, just add “*dislike*” in the comments. Maybe Facebook will add one if you keep doing it.
• Become a fan of (oops, I mean “Like”) all of your idiosyncrasies (e.g. “Hating when corn on the cobb gets stuck in your teeth.”)
• Send at least one heart a day to every one of your friends. And be sure to say “thanks” for the hearts you receive.
• POKE EVERYONE. Twice. It tickles.
• When you install an application suggest it to all of your friends before you even use it.
• Answer questions about your friends in an application that they have to install to see the answers.
• You need to know what character you are from your favorite movie and so does everyone else.
• Busy people love getting Pieces of Flair. Send them a lot of flair.
• Tag photos with your friend’s names even if they aren’t in the photo.
• If someone ignores your friend request just send it again. And again. And again.
• LIKE EVERYTHING.
• Comment on your friend’s friend’s posts (you know, the people you don’t really know) and be judgmental.
• REPOST THIS TO YOUR STATUS: Even if you aren’t a mom.

Sticking close to this guide will make you stand out among the absolutely enormous Facebook population.

So, you’re new to Twitter. Welcome! You’re about to tweet your first tweet – but there are some things you need to know first. Some rules to live by if you will. @cdevroe and @elizard, Twitter experts with over 20,000 tweets between them, have created the following rules which are inarguably true and beyond contestation.

Not a tweeter? Maybe you use Facebook? Check out The misguided Facebook guide for the new, umm, Facebooker.

• You don’t have to sound smart and witty to use Twitter. You just have to think you sound smart and witty.
• Using Twitter as an instant message service is exactly what it was created for. Go nuts.
• Any statement that has a #hashtag as a punchline is absolutely hilarious. (e.g. “I’m stuffed! #atetoomuch”) LOL! See? Hilarious.
• People that have 4 million followers actually have 4 million people that are hanging on their every word.
• Replying to another person’s tweet without ‘@username’-ing them will not cause any confusion so don’t waste your time typing it in.
• Following someone and then immediately unfollowing them just so that they follow you is standard procedure.
• Syndicating your tweets to every single social network does not create an annoying Internet echo. It shows you “get” social media.
• You shouldn’t only have 1 Twitter account. You need one for your pet, one for imaginary people you make up and one for fart jokes.
• Retweeting every single thing @garyvee says is mandatory.
• Justin Bieber is not a never-ending trending topic. Justin Bieber is Twitter. Twitter is Justin Bieber.
• Tweet 140 times a day. Minimum.
• What you tweet will never have any affect on your daily life, friends or family. Express yourself.

We hope this guide gets you started on your journey into tweeting like the professionals and quickly becoming someone everyone despises.

I have a goal to get to London next year, so this list will come in handy when that happens. For that reason, and because I think everyone visiting London should take a look at this, I’m sharing it here.

Simon Willison put this Google Map together and I think it is a fantastic list of places to see.

Source: Places to see in London (for geeks). (Opens a Google Map.)
Via: Simon Willison on his blog.